do you still know what you're doing?
by lena haloway
Summary: It seems she has misplaced her white flag. / Picks up after "iOMG." Eventual Creddie.


I'm gonna need you to thoroughly disregard "iLost My Mind."

So I wrote this after "iOMG" premiered like, forever ago. I then realized I may have been a little unfair to Sam for most of this, so I forced a happy ending and then never posted it. But after "iLost My Mind" I remembered about this story and decided "fuck this shit; I'm posting this like a boss."

I need people to bear in mind that I wrote this purely for me—emotional catharsis, if you will—and it wasn't meant to bash Sam (or Seddie) like an immature ten-year-old.

With that said, read on. (:

**Disclaimer -** nada, mi amigo.

\\

**do you still know what you're doing?**

_It seems she has misplaced her white flag._

.

"_Sorry."_

"_It's… cool."_

.

They never really make it official. They kind of just assume.

The next morning, she silently slips her hand into his and leads him to her first period. He kisses her cheek awkwardly before walking away, and that makes it easier for her to pretend that he walked her to class.

.

Carly isn't in school that day.

Freddie tries to make it seem like he didn't notice.

But even Gibby, who is completely oblivious of the previous night's events, pats him on the back during lunch understandingly and says, "Don't worry, man; she should be back tomorrow."

Unwelcome.

The worst part?

Sam is sitting right next to them.

.

Freddie bumps into Carly on his way to his apartment. Her hair's untidy and she won't look him in the eye.

"Spencer let me stay home and sleep," she explains softly.

He nods, and pulls his keys out to open his door. He sighs.

"It wasn't Brad."

"I know."

.

Carly walks up to them nonchalantly the following day.

Sam gives her a smile, but tightens her grip on Freddie's hand.

"Ow," he hisses involuntarily.

"Sorry."

Carly pretends she didn't notice the exchange.

.

Carly nudges Sam in class and forces a smile.

"I'm happy for you," she says softly, and she prays to God that the blonde doesn't hear the insincerity in her voice.

But Sam does, and she doesn't even try to pretend otherwise.

"Liar."

.

"Sam, I—"

"Hey guys, where are we sitting?"

"Carly was just telling me she has to go study at the library. Right?"

"…Yeah. I'll catch you guys later."

.

"What's wrong?" Freddie asks.

Carly grimaces. "I'm a bad liar even when I don't realize I'm lying."

.

The next iCarly rehearsal comes around.

Carly never really expects them to show up.

She sets everything up anyway, because she's not ready to face reality just yet.

(But she texts Brad and tells him rehearsals are canceled, because she doesn't want the new intern to witness her making a fool out of herself.)

Two hours pass by.

Spencer walks through the door, in his usual happy stupor. His gaze sweeps the studio and he asks confusedly, "Where are Sam and Freddie?"

"They couldn't make it."

.

Sam and Freddie don't mention missing rehearsals.

Carly considers keeping quiet as well, but can't help saying anyway, "I was going to cancel it, because my granddad surprised us with dinner."

Not even Gibby believes that one.

.

For the first time in her life, Sam wants a fairytale.

It's become very easy to lock fingers with Freddie, press her lips to his in the hallways, and hug him goodbye every day.

What surprises her most is the ease with which she has suppressed nine years of friendship, a hobby that may have opened many doors for her, and the guilt of trumping any hope her two closest friends might have had together.

For the first time in her life, Sam wants a fairytale. Too bad she has to steal her best friend's.

.

Freddie can't remember the last time he's felt truly at ease.

The days pass by uneventfully, but he can't help feeling antsy. It's like the calm before the storm, and it leaves him with a bad taste in his mouth at the end of each day.

He watches his two best friends anxiously, not knowing what to do. He knows his options, but he's also dreadfully aware of the fragileness of the situation. It's like a delicate soap bubble, and the last thing he wants is to be the one to pop it.

He's sitting in Sam's living room when he finally takes action.

"You should talk to her." The words sound harmless enough, but he's well aware of their importance.

Sam is too.

She gives him a quick look of annoyance but answers, "I'll text her."

.

**New SMS Message  
><strong>**From: Sam Puckett  
><strong>**Saturday, May 12, 2011, 8:56 pm**

_Momma doesn't like to share._

.

Sam's still not sure just how much of a joke her message was and how much of a threat.

She feels a lingering piece of guilt when she wakes up that morning, but she squashes it away.

She walks up to her boyfriend and kisses him confidently. She feels a tiny rush of relief when he kisses her back, a reaction that's been there from the beginning but she still doesn't understand.

They pull away just as Carly walks into Ridgeway.

She doesn't look once at them.

.

Carly finally decides enough is enough.

In a stroke of luck, she catches Sam alone, presumably waiting for Freddie, in front of the school.

"You're not funny."

It's a stupid statement, but she didn't know how else to begin.

Sam doesn't look at her. "Really? Because there are a bunch of people around the world who think otherwise." Sam knows what Carly's referring to, but she keeps a straight face.

Carly really wishes she had planned what to say. "Why…?" She trails off, because she doesn't know what she's asking. _Why did you send me that text? Why did you take Freddie away? Why are you so intent on ruining our friendship?_

Freddie comes into view, and Sam finally looks at Carly as he reaches them, and he says, "So things are settled?"

Carly takes one look at Freddie's hopeful face and nods mutely.

.

Freddie's not stupid.

Sam never thought he was.

(No matter how many times she may have told him otherwise.)

"Why?" he asks, and she winces because Carly asked the same thing.

She examines her shoes and never answers.

.

Reality's reared its ugly head, and it makes Carly want to cry.

She walks through her door and silently lets her bag and keys fall on the couch.

Spencer appears from his room and says, "Weren't you going to talk to Sam and Freddie today?"

"Who are Sam and Freddie?" she asks innocently.

.

Freddie finds out, and he's so unbelievably furious, he doesn't know how to go about it.

"What the hell possessed you to send that message?" he shouts.

"It was a joke," Sam says flatly, her voice an octave or two lower, though she is very annoyed that Freddie has the nerve to raise his voice at her.

Freddie doesn't know what to say to that.

"Why?" he asks.

Sam narrows her eyes.

"Stop asking me that."

.

Sam screwed up.

She knows she screwed up.

But the world (_Freddie_) expects her not to do anything about it, because that's the type of girl she is.

As a joke, she tells herself she doesn't want to disappoint.

(Maybe she's not so funny after all.)

.

Sam meets Freddie at his locker and gives him the usual peck on the mouth.

She's unnerved when he doesn't kiss back.

.

Gibby's chattering away during lunch, but Sam and Freddie don't hear a word.

Sam catches Freddie's gaze and (though she won't admit it) the emptiness in his brown eyes chills her.

Finally, she's forced to acknowledge the mess she's created.

.

_She's not sorry._

_(It's not cool.)_

_._

When Freddie decides he can't take it anymore, he finds himself knocking on Carly's door.

She lets him in wordlessly, because she doesn't have the guts to slam the door like she really wanted.

"I've gotten emails," he said conversationally, "about iCarly."

She nods. "Me too." Irrationally afraid of there being any awkward silence, she continues talking. "Spencer's still paying for the website."

Freddie laughs unsurely, and then changes the subject. "My mom's in one of her moods, so you mind if I hang out here for a little while?" He feels so incredibly thoughtless by asking it, but he has no other excuse for sticking around.

He's surprised when she nods her head yes.

.

They're watching TV when he turns to look at her.

"I've missed you."

"Me too."

.

Freddie sits with Carly during lunch that Monday.

Sam ignores them both.

.

It's the last day of school when Freddie tells Carly, "We should continue iCarly."

She smiles. "Okay."

.

Sam calls Freddie one night.

"We never officially broke up."

"We never officially became a couple."

.

Sam runs into Carly at the Groovie Smoothie.

"You took him from me."

Carly walks away without responding.

No one had said it, but Sam still hears the word ringing in her ears.

(_hypocrite._)

_._

They never really make it official. They kind of just assume.

Freddie and Carly show up on their first day of senior year holding hands.

It occurs to Sam that Freddie had never reached for her hand.

.

Sam's tired.

But it seems she's misplaced her white flag.

.

Freddie decides he doesn't want loopholes.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He tries to sound confident, but it comes out a little awkward anyway.

Carly giggles. "Of course."

.

They miss Sam.

Sam won't admit she feels the same.

.

Graduation brings things full circle.

They have their diplomas.

They've walked.

They aren't allowed to throw their caps in the air, but most people do anyway.

Freddie and Carly are laughingly searching for their blue hats when Sam approaches them.

"Hi."

They're not sure what to do, so they just look at her.

.

They've ended up at the Groovie Smoothie.

Sam sighs. "I messed up."

"You did," Freddie mumbles. There's no harshness in his words.

Carly just stares silently at her former best friend. It's not until Sam finally looks her in the eye that Carly believes there's sincerity in the blond girl's demeanor.

She grins.

Freddie notices, and can't help smiling as well.

Sam smirks. She knows things won't be fixed so easily, but she figures she can start by apologizing anyway.

"Sorry."

"It's cool."

\\

**Review? (;**


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